Too soon to tell

Day 89! SO glad to say the first day of starting this has come and gone. And honestly, it was NOT horrible! I really was anticpating a workout that would be impossible for me to do and make me want to give up before I even started. But it was actually quite manageable, and dare I say...fun? The way Tony Horton (the creator of P90X) presents the workouts is not at all intimidating and he makes you feel comfortable about working out in the way you're able to RIGHT NOW. He encourages you to push yourself, but says it's ok if you're not ready to do an intense move at the moment. This really helped me believe that I will get better with time and it's worth it to stick it out, even if I'm struggling for now. I am sad to say that there were a number of the exercises that I couldn't do, or at least not in the alloted amount of time. Like table top arm dips and hip raises. Trust me, they're awful. And my plank leaves much to be desired. At one point, I had to ask Justin (my boyfriend) to come in and help me with my form and with a modification to an exercise. I already look forward to the day that I can do it all with ease. But it's too soon to tell when that might be. Today is cardio and I'm pretty much peeing myself thinking about it. I can only imagine it's one of the more difficult routines. But I'm also strangely looking forward to it. I'll be happy when it's over and I can write about it tomorrow. Aside from starting my blog, I've also signed up for My Fitness Pal, which is a website/phone app that allows you to log your calories and exercises to help keep track of what you do. It also suggests how many pounds you can expect to lose based on your logs. I'm also part of a private Facebook group of women supporting each other to be fit. Many of them use MFP and really like it, so I thought I'd give it a try. I've also started my own personal diary so I can say what I REALLY feel after each workout and even in between. I actually started the same diary about 3 (maybe 4) years ago when I planned on losing weight and training to run a marathon. Big Surprise that I totally failed and 4 years later, I'm even heavier than I was then. When I realized this, I was so upset with myself. My boyfriend even told me last night that he's surprised I struggle with my weight simply because every other part of my life is so under control. It shouldn't be in my personality to have this issue. But I pretty much always have without learning how to change it. But this is the time for me to. This is the year I will commit and succeed.

Anticipation

Day 90!

So today is the day. After many years and several failed attempts at sticking to a weight  loss program, today is the day I have chosen to make the committment. It is the day I start my workout regimen and say goodbye to the foods that have taunted and abused me for so long. Goodbye to unnecessary sugar, unnecessary carbs, unnecessary dairy and to the other delicious, but HORRIBLE coping foods to which I used to turn. Oh yeah… and goodbye alcohol… for a while. But in return I can say hello health, hello better feeling me, hello to WHAT I DESERVE. That statment alone feels so good to own.  

The truth is, I’m crazy nervous. I’m nervous about how hard it will be, how embarrassing it will be when I can’t do certain workouts and mostly, what will happen (or not happen) if I don’t see this through. I have ALWAYS given in to my cravings and bad habits when things get rough. All I have to do is wake up tired and it’s over. So what am I going to do to change it this time? How will I keep myself motivated? I am yet to find these answers. I’m half hoping this blog will play a big part. But for now, it’s one day at a time; constantly reassuring myself that I’m ready for this and that it’s worth it.  

I haven’t done my first workout yet, but I will soon. I will post tomorrow about how it goes along with how tomorrow’s workout goes as well. And I’m going to be brutally honest with myself. No hiding it from anyone. This is how I will be held accountable. 

And here we go…