Too soon to tell

Day 89! SO glad to say the first day of starting this has come and gone. And honestly, it was NOT horrible! I really was anticpating a workout that would be impossible for me to do and make me want to give up before I even started. But it was actually quite manageable, and dare I say...fun? The way Tony Horton (the creator of P90X) presents the workouts is not at all intimidating and he makes you feel comfortable about working out in the way you're able to RIGHT NOW. He encourages you to push yourself, but says it's ok if you're not ready to do an intense move at the moment. This really helped me believe that I will get better with time and it's worth it to stick it out, even if I'm struggling for now. I am sad to say that there were a number of the exercises that I couldn't do, or at least not in the alloted amount of time. Like table top arm dips and hip raises. Trust me, they're awful. And my plank leaves much to be desired. At one point, I had to ask Justin (my boyfriend) to come in and help me with my form and with a modification to an exercise. I already look forward to the day that I can do it all with ease. But it's too soon to tell when that might be. Today is cardio and I'm pretty much peeing myself thinking about it. I can only imagine it's one of the more difficult routines. But I'm also strangely looking forward to it. I'll be happy when it's over and I can write about it tomorrow. Aside from starting my blog, I've also signed up for My Fitness Pal, which is a website/phone app that allows you to log your calories and exercises to help keep track of what you do. It also suggests how many pounds you can expect to lose based on your logs. I'm also part of a private Facebook group of women supporting each other to be fit. Many of them use MFP and really like it, so I thought I'd give it a try. I've also started my own personal diary so I can say what I REALLY feel after each workout and even in between. I actually started the same diary about 3 (maybe 4) years ago when I planned on losing weight and training to run a marathon. Big Surprise that I totally failed and 4 years later, I'm even heavier than I was then. When I realized this, I was so upset with myself. My boyfriend even told me last night that he's surprised I struggle with my weight simply because every other part of my life is so under control. It shouldn't be in my personality to have this issue. But I pretty much always have without learning how to change it. But this is the time for me to. This is the year I will commit and succeed.